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Sarah Bolitho - Support & Training for Parents & Carers

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A baby's brain is born with the expectation that i

A baby's brain is born with the expectation that it's stress will be managed for it by another. A deprivation of early experiences due to neglect, or the presence of abnormal experiences due to abuse, will have a detrimental impact on brain development (Perry, 2006).

Did you know that the human brain is actually born prematurely?

It’s structure means that it is born with all it needs to survive but the development of other regions is dependent on experience.

So higher function skills that we often expect children to be capable of doing such as:

👉consider the consequences of their actions
👉control their impulses
👉 regulate their emotions
👉plan ahead
👉be moral
👉use language

They aren’t actually capable of. Neurologically their brains aren’t yet fully wired and they need repeated experience and practice if these skills to master them.

This continues until they’re in their mid 20’s 😱

Then, when the realise that it isn't effective the

Then, when the realise that it isn't effective they assume that the 'problem' is the child. Not the methods of parenting. 💥💥💥
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"He never listens"
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"She's constantly pushing my buttons"
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"They only ever move if I yell"
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"He's just SO angry"
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Punitive approaches to punishment may *seem* like they work in the short term to gain some sort of compliance but they are very ineffective at creating any long term behaviour change.
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Consequences don't have to be painful in order for children to learn.
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In fact, when consequences are painful children actually can't learn. Neurologically their brain cannot learn new things when they are experiencing pain. 🤯
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This is why we continue to see the same behaviour that we're trying to change through punishment.
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If you'd like to learn more about how to feel empowered and supported to parent with confidence, calm and co-operation come and join us inside the Positive Parenthood my signature Parent coaching programme. Drop a 🙋‍♀️below to find out more!
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Were you raised with punishment? Can you remember how that made you feel as a child or is it all a blur?

Often what we say to children is actually the leas

Often what we say to children is actually the least important thing. 👊🏼
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Phew!! Sometimes knowing what to say in the moment when faced with big behaviours can be tricky to do.
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If you are struggling with what to say, try to remember these 4 key messages.
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Just as communication with anyone else consists of our body language, tone, messaging so does our communication with our kids.
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What do you think you could do instead of say that could send these messages?
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How can you say;
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I am here
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I hear you
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I understand
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I care
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❓
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Let me know what you do 👇👇
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Common fears by age in early childhood. ⠀⠀⠀

Common fears by age in early childhood.
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👇 what to expect and what not to do.
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Does any of this ring true for you?
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⭐️ You'll notice that early fears are quite concrete, they're afraid of being abandoned and things in their environment that elicit a fear reaction. This is instinctual and their survival depends on it.
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3️⃣ By age three their imagination starts to peak and they move back and forth between reality and fantasy, sometimes still struggling to decipher the difference. Things that they’ve seen on tv or in books can play on their mind and cause fears, particularly at bedtime.
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4️⃣&5️⃣ By age 4 and 5 their fears become much more abstract and often relate to specific situations. Be careful not to exacerbate the anxiety and the worries by perpetuating the fear with things like:

❌monster sprays, checking under their bed, sprinkling boogeyman balm, drawing ‘keep out zones’ etc
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❌ telling them they’re ok and there’s nothing to be worried about. This undermines and discredits their feelings, causing confusion.
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🤷🏽‍♀️Whilst this appears well meaning it essentially 'buys' into their anxiety and sends a message to your child that you also believe in their fear and that there is something to be afraid of.
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❗️✅It's important not to undermine or discredit their fear (this is very real to them) but you want to avoid also sending a message that you too have that fear.
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I’d love to know if this is helpful? Does it ring true for you?

“I want them to know that they can’t just do w

“I want them to know that they can’t just do what they want” 👊🏼
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I get it.
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I totally get why this is a concern for a lot parents.
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Here’s why: 👇
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Society doesn’t get kids. 🎤
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and therefore there’s a real unrealistic amount of pressure on young children to behave in a way that they just aren’t cognitively capable of. Yet. Meaning that their brains 🧠 don’t yet operate in a way that would enable them to behave in a way that society sees fit.
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The brain is built not born. This makes it very difficult for kids to know what to do and to know how to do it.
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Here’s the good news 🎉
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🧠 we build our babes brains through repeated experience. They won’t get it first time round but with consistent and responsive parenting they will! 🙌
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🧠 it’s very, very appropriate for young children to only give a stuff about themselves. Quite often these worries come from a fear that we’re raising self centred sociopaths, fear not egotistical toddlers are on the right track! 👌🏽
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🧠 we care so much about our babes that we worry we’re getting it all wrong and so we parent from a place of fear instead of connection
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🧠 the biggest period of brain growth is in the first 5 years of life, this is when they need the most patience and understanding not harsh discipline or a preoccupation with being upstanding citizens
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If you’re curious about positive parenting and want to build a relationship with your little ones that starts with Secure Foundations and is built over a lifetime
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Where you will understand exactly how to connect with them so that they can cooperate
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And change cycles of parenting from generations before you the doors to the Positive Parenting Puzzle are OPENING THIS MONTH! 🎉🎉
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👇 drop me a 💛 if you’d like to find out more

It’s been a long time in the making but my new w

It’s been a long time in the making but my new website is now LIVE! 🎉🎊
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The new website has some new services listed and better reflects the direction of Secure Foundations as we grow.
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The booking system is now much easier and you can schedule a call directly in the website 🙌
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There are also some free resources in there and I will expand these as I get time.
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The doors the Positive Parenthood are also opening THIS MONTH 💥 and I’m so excited to welcome new families into the ‘hood!
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Massive thanks to Em @ottocreative for my branding and Snap websites Mandurah for my new website.
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Please check it out and tell me what you think 👇

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